Friday, September 25, 2015

It Gets Better, So Much Better

So, bullying is not something I usually talk about for a variety of reasons. For one, I'm very torn on the issue. I do think our society has become a little over sensitive and that you have to have tough skin to make it in this world. On the other hand, I think it is truly tragic for anyone who hasn't even graduated from High School yet to lose their life because they feel that they aren't worth anything.

I was bullied a lot in Middle School to the point that I physically made myself ill with anxiety before school every day. I missed classes, whole days and I will never get that time back. Time I could've spent learning, which I was truly passionate about. I was a weirdo. I listened to different music than everyone else. I was into things they didn't understand and I always had my hands up first in class. It made me a target, and at the time I didn't have the social grace or understand of "normative" behavior to stick up for myself or "fit in". I'm so glad I didn't.

I got really lucky. I went to an "alternative school" Sturgis Charter School. Check it out if you're not familiar with it. Attending there, saved my life. I got to go to school with a bunch of other kids who loved education, most of which were weirdos like myself. I also got a great education for free. What beats that?

Then I grew up, and I found other people who love the weird stuff that I do, including my husband. I had 2 beautiful children. All that drive, and intelligence that made me a target in Elementary and Middle School, pushed me to be a hustler in real life. It got me an amazing professional job, where I am appreciated, for who I am. Nobody makes fun of me for playing video games, or listening to bands they've never heard of. They think it's kick ass that I'm a "know it all". My friends play MTG with me, and are down for a game of League before bed. I am happy. I am loved. I am fulfilled. I'm not afraid to tell people about my sexuality. I'm passionate, and strong. I am me.

If you're struggling. If it is hard, just to get out of bed. If every breath feels like fire in your chest. If there are people in your life who don't appreciate you. Don't give up. I'm proud of you. Just keep going. Someday you will find your people. You will find where you belong. You will be loved. There will be moments, that will take your breath away in all of the best ways. You can do it. You can make it through today to see tomorrow. I promise. It will make you stronger, and better. Someday there will be people who need you. Stay here, so you can be there for them. Keep it up.

Oh, and those bullies. My bullies? They're still right where they were then. Stuck on Cape Cod. Some of them are junkies. Some of them are flipping burgers. Because it doesn't translate. Eventually they run out of people to push down to make themselves feel better, and being "popular" in school doesn't mean anything in the real world.

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