Saturday, June 4, 2016

Coming Out: My Experience

I originally posted this on my Tumblr a number of years ago but felt it was worthy of being reblogged here.

I don’t remember ever “coming out” to anybody as a teenager. My mother recently told me that she knew when I brought home my first serious girlfriend and that previously she had never thought about it because it didn’t matter to her. 12 years later and it still doesn’t matter to my family. While my father is less vocal about such things, he too could give a fuck less what gender person I choose to love or sleep with. My friends had always just… figured it out when they saw me with girls, and it’s never really been an issue with any of them. I think that’s because I chose to surround myself with people who wouldn’t be phased by any sexuality, although I do occasionally wonder what my journey would have been like had I been born male. I like to think it wouldn’t change the reactions I would have gotten from the people I care about, but I’m not so naive.

Part of the reason I'd never had any big “coming out” moments is because sexuality registers so low on my radar. Growing up I never even thought about my sexuality, other than in my teenage years, but it was just general hormonal I have sexuality type stuff. No great debates in me about what gender the person I spent the rest of my life would be. If I was dating a girl it was because I liked her. If I was dating a guy it was because I liked him. If I ended up with any of the people I dated in high school it would have been because I continued to like them. I didn’t.

It’s only recently that I’ve become more active in the LGBT community, and it’s not because of my personal preference for genders. I don’t give a fuck who knows I like girls. I’m pretty sure my entire family, and circle of friends, has figured it out and if not, well, they’re blind. I ended up marrying a man so equality in that aspect doesn’t really effect me personally very much. I feel strongly about it because I’ve seen how much it can affect those I love, and you don’t mess with the people I love. I told my mom once that I would probably end up settling down with a woman, and she pretty much said “that’s nice” and continued watching dancing with the stars. I have a great mom, in case you didn’t know.

That being said I know some people struggle with telling their parents about their gender identities. Please don’t. If somebody loves you, they will continue loving you no matter what you tell them about yourselves. Also, realize you are a PERSON. You are not a homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual. You are a person, with a name, who has views and opinions, likes and dislikes, and the people who know you won’t care who you want to bump uglies with. If they do, they’re probably shallow minded people who you don’t need in your lives, or maybe you’re a really shitty person and the only redeeming quality you had was that you seemed to be straight. If that doesn’t sound like you then don’t let it define you. Don’t let gender, or sexuality define you.

My name is Megan. I’m a mom. My favorite color is teal. I can be a huge bitch, but I love passionately and if I care about you I’ll do just about anything for you. My favorite animal is the panda, followed very closely by horses. I like to swim and take my son fun new places. I’m very opinionated, and I can be offensive. I’m socially awkward until I get to know you, and I say the wrong thing a lot. There are things I am good at, and things I am bad at. Oh, and I like girls, and sometimes I like boys too. My preference is small, thin, flexible, blonde girls, and tall, strong musically inclined, guys. I ended up married to a socially awkward, smart, nerdy, guy, who loves me for all that I am.

EDIT: When I moved to Florida, a little over 2 years ago now, I had a very different experience. When I "came out" to co-workers by mentioning an ex-girlfriend who lived in the area, they told me to "be careful" who I mentioned it to, and that "since I'm with a man it's not worth getting in trouble over". I went to a "girls night out" and when I dropped a similar reference, the conversation around the table literally stopped, and everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads. I'd never had my sexuality diminished before. I'd never had any reason to feel nervous about "coming out" and being honest with those around me. I now have a better understanding of how something that should be just a piece of who you are can become all consuming when you are afraid to mention it to those around you. 

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