The Bear

 You’d choose a bear over a man?!

You must be crazy…

But the bear never pretends to be gentle

Its growls are honest, its claws, a promise

It moves through the woods with purpose, neither cruel nor kind

But a bear never follows you home

It never slips something in your drink and claims you wanted it

A bear doesn’t plot ways to get you alone, doesn’t hide hate behind a smile

When a bear attacks, no one asks what you were wearing

No one says you shouldn’t have been in the woods

No one doubts your story or makes you prove every bruise

You’d choose a bear over a man?

You must be crazy…

Because a bear has never held me down, whispering threats in my ear

It never told my friends I asked for it, that I liked it, that I lied

A bear never told me I was imagining things, rewriting my own pain

A bear never asks you to be smaller

It accepts you as you are—wild, unbroken

And if it strikes, you’re left devastated, but it never sought you out

Grief

How do you explain grief to someone who’s never felt it?

The force that physically takes us to our knees

Wrenches screams from our bodies 

Leaves our throats raw and our eyes empty 

How do you tell someone that even though you’re stills here, everything about you is irrevocably changed? 

That you can’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore without seeing a ghost 

Every moment, happy or sad, tinged with an aching loss 

The silence that becomes louder than any words you could find to try and explain 

What words are there to explain that life just, doesn’t feel like life anymore?  

That time moves, but you’re somehow stuck, frozen in a past that no longer exists

The warmth of the sun feels colder, the familiar now strange

Breathing becomes a conscious act, each inhale a reminder that they no longer do

How do you make someone understand that grief isn’t a moment, but a landscape you learn to walk through?

It’s the empty chair at the dinner table, the sound of a favorite song that cuts through you

It’s a weight that settles into your bones, making every step heavier

Yet somehow, you keep walking, because what else is there to do?

There’s nothing to do.

Life is about more than money

 People ask a lot about “what you want to be” and I know they’re asking about my career. While my career has brought me joy and a sense of accomplishment it is the smallest portion of what I want to be.

I want to be the safest, warmest place for my children. I want to be their shelter from the storm. I want to be the person they trust most in the world.

I want to be a steadfast and reliable friend. I want to be the type of person you’re confident will show up for you when you’re down. I want to be the one my friends are comfortable coming to when they need help.

I want to put smiles on my loved ones faces. I want to be my mother's empathy. I want to be her morality. I want to be my father's strength. I want to be my grandfather's wisdom and brilliance and my nana's sweetness and levity. I want to be the warmth of my grandma's home cooking and the resilience of my grandpa.

I want to be happy. I want to be loved. I want to be compassionate. I want to be an advocate. I want to facilitate change. I want to make a difference.

I want to be so much more than what I do for money.

This year, I'm making what I do for money about who I really am, and who I want to be.

I'm not looking back

Sales is personal

 Sales will always be personal.

No matter how deeply technical the product.
Even if it’s 100% B2B, there is a human being on the other side of that purchase and just like in any relationship you are trying to nurture - people have problems that are bigger than just money. That's why sales leaders talk about uncovering pain points but also mapping those pains back to opportunities for an individual DM so they understand "what does this mean?" What does more revenue mean? More heads? More sleep? Making it to their kids ball game?! A vacation your spouse has been wishing for?

Sales is about human connection

Outsourcing is your new best friend

 Do you want to know a secret?

Come closer. Closer.
Ok.

I’m not that creative.
I cant draw. (Seriously it’s BAD)
My graphic design and video editing skills are rudimentary at best.
My musical skills haven’t been sharpened in atleast 10 years.

But I run a marketing agency. And you know what, I’m a kick ass marketer.
Do you know why?

Because I know I’m not that creative so I work with people who ARE. I build out teams who’s talents balance out my own for each project or client we take on. If I don’t have someone in house who I think is the right fit, I outsource.

The first time I built out my consulting business I tried to do everything and be everything for my clients, by myself. I got exhausted, took a job, and stopped consulting because I wasn’t grounded in my “unique ability”

This time I KNOW what I am best at, what energizes me, the stuff that gets me outta bed in the morning. I keep that. I consult directly to my clients on their strategy, brand, vision and mission. I take that back to my team. We collaborate and listen to each other, and we build the *right* tactics for THAT client. I still do a big chunk of the content writing, and own the content strategy. But I put down the things that were draining and aggravating me, permanently.

If you’re a leader you HAVE to do this. Or you’ll never meet your full potential. You’ll burn out.

Find people you can trust who’s talents are not the same as yours, then ACTUALLY TRUST THEM to run their ish. Give them the things they say they need, after all they’re the experts.

One of the key pieces to this was acknowledging that I’m not an expert about everything and there are others who are more experienced than myself at many, many things. I wouldn’t perform open heart surgery on myself and I shouldn’t be in charge of technical SEO,

Manifesting for you

 I manifest for myself all the time, but today I am manifesting for my network.

This year you are going to discover your purpose. You will deeply understand your why.

You’re going to align with your purpose this year. Maybe in small ways, or maybe you’re going to break off on your own and turn it into a full on business.

You’re going to make a change in the world this year.

When you tap into the well of energy that is your purpose, you are going to feel more fulfilled, happy, and inspired than you ever have.

You are going to wake up every day excited about what’s next. You’re going to feel like you have bottomless energy. People are going to feel magnetized into your sphere because they want some of your energy and inspiration to rub off on them.

Most importantly you are going to be happy and healthy.

I manifested this for myself. I meditated on what I wanted. I dug down deep for my purpose, and today I am happier than I have ever been. I am healthier than I have ever been.

I won’t tell you it’s easy. Self-work is actually very hard. It consists of making yourself incredibly uncomfortable, because there are a lot of things we hide about ourselves, from ourselves. But if I can do it I know you can do it because I have been a MESS.

This is going to be the best year of your life. Do you believe it?

 My father also taught me how to mask my mental illness like an absolute champ. My father was extremely mentally ill. He was a pathological liar amongst other things. I won’t get into all of it because it’s not really anyone’s business now and he spent his life covering up huge chunks of who he was. Partially because his illness was harmful not just to himself but to others. Even if you knew him well though, you probably had no idea how sick he was on the inside.

The thing is we learn from our parents in many ways. Sometimes because they actively teach us and other times because they actively or passively model things for us. My dad taught me the value of honesty because I saw how much lies could hurt people. 

But he also taught me how to parrot other people’s behaviors and mannerisms. He taught me how to carry on a conversation with someone when it feels like your skin is on fire from standing there and pretending to be ok. He taught me how to pass. 

I have multiple mental illness diagnoses. Most of them are genetic, passed on from both sides of my family (thanks guys). A lot of people don’t know that. Especially my colleagues and professional connections. My success in my career has been in large part because I am very good at masking. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life who could tell you I’m bipolar, who doesn’t know because I told them... that doesn’t live with me. People are shocked when I tell them I have paralyzing social anxiety. 

I have a lifetime build-up of coping mechanisms from years of therapy, lots of online research, and admittedly many failed attempts at unhealthy coping.  It’s been years since I’ve self-harmed, longer since I’ve put myself in dangerous situations compulsively, and so long that I no longer keep track since I have abused substances. 

But a lifetime of learning started by watching how my parents carried their burdens, albeit very differently. My mother went to therapy and was on medication most of my life... she also chain-smoked cigarettes every day. My dad rejected his diagnoses, refused therapy, and struggled daily to put on his mask, but he wore it, and rarely did it slip. He wore it for me, he wore it for his friends, his church, his family, and most of all for himself. Even though both my parents' mental health impacted me in negative ways as well it also gave me a lifelong example that you CAN succeed while carrying heavy burdens. 

We are all a summation of our experiences. How we let those experiences mold us and how we respond to them is up to us. I didn’t get to choose who my parents were and which of their genetic traits I’d get stuck with. But we all did the best with what we had, and we loved each other despite all of it. Maybe not the way “traditional” families do, but I seem to have turned out alright.