The Stigma Around Abortions, Miscarriages and the women who have them

 (Pro-life in belief. Pro-choice in policy. Pro-women, always.)

Let’s rip the bandage off:

We don’t talk about this because it makes people uncomfortable.

But you know what’s more uncomfortable?

Bleeding in silence.

Grieving in shame.

Justifying your medical decisions like you’re on trial.

Here’s the truth:

• Abortions are common.
• Miscarriages are common.
• And the stigma around both is doing real, psychological harm to millions of women.

Whether it’s chosen or not, losing or ending a pregnancy is treated like a moral failure, not a human experience.

And while everyone’s busy debating it like it’s a theoretical chess match, real women are bleeding, sobbing, breaking—and hiding it.

Pro-life personally. Pro-choice politically. Here’s why both can be true.

I wouldn’t choose abortion for myself. But I believe with everything in me that I don’t have the right to make that decision for someone else.

Why?

Because freedom means nothing if it only applies when we agree.

Because bodily autonomy is either sacred, or it’s subject to power—and if the state can control her uterus, it can control yours, mine, or anyone’s next.

Because not every pregnancy is a miracle. Some are trauma. Some are risk. Some are born of violence or threaten a life or simply… aren’t wanted. And no one owes the world their body in service of a hypothetical soul.

And what about miscarriages?

Let’s talk about the other side of the silence.

I’ve seen what it does to a woman when her body betrays her month after month.

When she has to explain—again—why there’s no baby yet.

When the world offers platitudes but secretly whispers: “Maybe she waited too long.”

“Maybe she worked too much.”

“Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”

No one asks if she’s okay.

They ask when she’ll try again.

Because women aren’t grieved with—we’re evaluated.

Measured. Ranked. Scored.

Why is infertility so devastating?

Because we’ve been taught—explicitly or not—that our worth is in our wombs.

That we are “made” to reproduce.

That success is a ring, a bump, and a birth story.

That our careers are side quests, our hobbies cute distractions, and our ambitions acceptable only after motherhood is complete.

We are expected to do this one thing—push out life—and when we can’t, or don’t, or won’t?

We’re pitied. Judged. Ignored.

As if the rest of what we are—builders, leaders, writers, scientists, fighters, healers—means nothing in comparison.

Here’s the uncomfortable reality:

You can be a phenomenal woman and never carry a child.

You can be a mother and still not be enough for society.

You can grieve a loss no one else saw and still be told to “get over it.”

You can make a choice and be treated like a criminal for it.

And we’re tired of it.

So what needs to change?

• We stop using women’s reproductive history as a moral report card.
• We start treating abortion, miscarriage, IVF, adoption, child-free living, and everything in between as deeply personal—not public property.
• We tell women: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what your body does or doesn’t do.
• And we stop shoving them into categories: “good mother,” “selfish,” “too ambitious,” “not enough.”

Women are not baby factories.

We are not cautionary tales.

We are not wombs with Wi-Fi.

We are whole with or without children.

We are worthy whether we create life or just live it on our own terms.

And if you’re uncomfortable with that? Good.

That discomfort is the sound of the lie breaking.