Hey, 21 year old self

Drink less, play more chutes and ladders, even though that game is horrible. Your son loves it, and he loves you. Don't hang out with people who don't really like you. Cut the fat from your life. Get rid of all the toxic people who encourage you to be a bad person. Don't be an enabler. Don't let anyone abuse you. Don't sleep with guys who don't care about you. Spend more time outside with your son. Ride your horse more. Go to less parties. Sleep once in awhile. Don't be so obsessed with being skinny. Don't abuse your Adderall. Be nice to your mom. Like, really really nice. Kiss her feet. Don't beat yourself up about where you are in life, your time is coming. Success doesn't happen over night. Keep climbing up the incline, eventually it'll get less steep. Love the people who love you. Don't let hate take over your life. Stop spending so much time at the Quarterdeck. Don't say racist shit because it's funny. It isn't really funny. Ethnic people are way more normal once you get off Cape Cod. You're going to get off Cape Cod. It's going to be glorious, and warm. It's ok to work jobs you hate. They're eventually going to lead to a job you love. Learn to drink wine, and slow down with Jack Daniels. Drink WAY less tequila. Do not post pictures of that ice luge on Facebook. Do not post incriminating photos on Facebook. Post less pictures of you partying on Facebook. Snuggle Riley, so hard. He's going to get bigger and he's going to talk back to you and he will not always adore you like he does now. So hold his hand and snuggle him and kiss his adorable little face. Smoosh his cheeks and tell him how much you love him because the day is fast approaching when you will not be funny and you will be embarrassing. Even though he's the most self sufficient 3 year old on the planet, get up early with him sometimes. It's the time of day he loves the most, and when he's most happy. Even if you have to drink the whole pot of coffee, those moments of his imaginative self play are the best of the entire day. Slow down. Take your time. Don't rush him. Let him be little as long as he's willing. Say sorry when you've hurt someone, even if it isn't your fault. Be nice to people, even when they're jerks to you. DO NOT HIT ANYONE. Take care of your car. Take care of yourself, and don't be a bitch.

An Open Letter to Myself, at 15

Calm down. Seriously, take a deep breath. Put the razor down. Stop hurting yourself. You are so so beautiful, and someday all of your pain is going to be so much more tolerable. No one is worth hurting yourself over. Nothing is worth all those tears. Someday, those scars are going to be the most embarrassing part of your body, and the reason you get nervous taking your kids to the beach. The complications of teenage dating really aren't worth the drama. Your broken heart is going to heal. You aren't a slut. Stop reading so much liberal propaganda. Don't lose your fire and your passion, but seriously maybe read articles from more than one news source. Never stop helping people, but learn that sometimes people need to learn to stand on their own. Teaching someone how to help themselves is more valuable than giving them what they want/need. You're going to lose a lot of friends, and gain new ones and do it all over again so many times. Don't let any of those people change the way you feel about yourself. You are wonderful. Listen to Drury and Jo. Try to be nice to your parents, and remember that when you hurt yourself, you hurt them so much more. They're trying their best, even though they aren't perfect and someday you're going to understand how hard it is to be a parent to someone just like you. You're going to be successful, and have all the things you want. You just have to keep trying. You can't give up. Try not to cry so much. Try to have a little more fun. Don't be a mean girl, and don't be friends with the mean girls. Don't fight with other girls over guys. If he can be taken from you, he isn't yours. Focus more on studying and less on sex. Fair weather friend's aren't really friends at all, but go to the friggen party. It's ok to let loose and have fun, but don't abuse yourself. Don't mix pills, and don't take drugs that you don't know what are. Be nice to your teachers, even when they're wrong. They make really crappy salaries and they still show up everyday to be abused by twerps like you. Please, love yourself, just a little. No one else really can until you do. Keep your chin up. You're going to make it. I promise.

A note to myself at 9

Play more. Worry less. Be nice to your peers, even if you think they're stupid. Don't worry if/when they don't like you. It's not going to matter. Keep studying. Keep reading. Keep being smart, and don't be afraid to show it, even if someone's going to make fun of you. You're beautiful. Your weight is not a reflection of who you are. There will always be mean girls. Don't be one of them. Being a smart girl is so much better. Your mom is right. Boys are stupid, stay away from them as long as your heart and body will let you.