10 Times George Carlin Nailed Humanity on the Head

"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."

"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

"

5 Joss Whedon Quotes to Inspire You

There are so many reasons this man is my spirit animal.

5. "I'm a very hard-line, angry atheist. Yet I am fascinated by the concept of devotion."

Joss, were we separated at birth? I think we may have been.

4. "The way a musical can make us feel is unlike anything else, in song and particularly in dance. I think people fly through plate-glass windows when they get shot because movies don't have dance scenes anymore. This is what we do instead."

More movies should have dance scenes, like in Doctor Horrible. Write more musicals Joss.

3. "Who is to say who is the villain and who is the hero? Probably the dictionary."

The dictionary says a lot of things.

2. "Always be yourself, unless you suck."

Good advice for everyone. Take it to heart

1. You can just go ahead and watch the clip on this one:

Bonus: If somebody is in a story, they need to be there for a reason, and not just to set up somebody else's story.

The Most Inspirational One Tree Hill Quotes

Coach Whitey Durham:
The wisest Football Coach anyone has ever heard of.

"When someone says you can't do something, you fight back and prove them wrong"

Keith Scott:

Seriously, there's never been a better Uncle.

"Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes."

Peyton Sawyer:
Whether Peyton was wise, or just listening to too much Brighteyes we'll never really know.

"Life's too short, to fight, to be miserable, to let the bitter ones change how awesome you are."

Haley James Scott:

Between Haley and Lorelai Gilmore I had every role model for "motherhood" I could ever need coming at me from the WB. 

"We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing, but ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good, dreaming."

Jamie Scott:

Little boys aren't this smart in real life. Just FYI. Well, maybe if they're raised by Haley. 

"Sometimes people have to cry out all their tears to make room for a heart full of smiles."

Lucas Scott:

Clearly this boy was raised by Keith Scott

"You can find the good in everybody, if you just give them a chance."

Brooke Davis:

This girl had by far the most powerful transformation on the show. For someone who claimed people never change, she sure did come a long way. 

"Aren't you tired of measuring yourself by what guys think?"

Julian Baker:
Better known as Mr Brooke Davis, had a few shining moments of his own.

"Well, we're always thinking that someday we'll be happy. You know, we'll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that'll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it's a condition, not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry. It's not permanent. It comes and goes, and that's okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they'd find happiness a lot more often"

Mouth McFadden:

Definitely this groups conscience. 

"What you do matters. How you do it matters."

Dan Scott:
If Tree Hill had a villain... it was Dan, and he was well aware. But that doesn't mean he was without his own lessons to impart.

"Nothing's worth having if it's based on a lie."

Quinn James:
Quinn was sort of a "meh" character that came to replace Peyton when she and Lucas left. She didn't contribute a ton to the story line, but once in a while she spit out a gem.

Skills Taylor:

Sometimes the heart just wants... an old lady.

Rachel Gatina:

Every Highschool needs a mean girl. Atleast Rachel wasn't a complete idiot. 

"Live life for the moment, because everything else is uncertain."

Clay Evans:

Oh, Clay, how's your son?

"We waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance."

The REAL (Not Psycho) Derek: 
"Everyday people all over the world get beat down. They lose their families. They lose their friends, and everyday those people fight like hell to put their lives back together. They don't curl in a ball and give up."

Some of My Favorite Quotes from Firefly (the best television show ever) and Serenity

YOU CAN'T STOP THE SIGNAL!!!!

So I don't know if y'all are aware, but Firefly is just about my favorite show on the planet. I've rewatched the one and only existing season so many times I have it pretty much committed to memory. So, from my personal database enjoy my favorite quotes:

Mal: "Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that."

River: "I can kill you with my mind."

Mal to Jayne: "Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle."

Wash: "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal."

Jayne: "Let's go be bad guys!"

Jayne: "Ten percent of nothin' is ... let me do the math here ... nothin' into nothin' ... carry the nothin' ... "

Mal: "I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you."

Mal: "If you can't run, you walk, and if you can't walk you crawl, and if you can't crawl... if you can't do that, then you find somebody to carry you."

Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here."

Jayne: See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.

Mal: [in disguise in a dress and large bonnet] How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?

Jayne: If I could make you purtier, I would.

Mal: [gasps] You are not the man I met a year ago.

Shepherd Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

Mal: "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!"

Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skin into their clothes ... and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order."

Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just ...you know ... shoot 'em. "

Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"

Mal: "Politely."

Wash: "I've been under fire before. Well ... I've been in a fire. Actually, I was fired. I can handle myself."

Mal: "Next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face."

Shepherd Book: "Captain, you mind if I say grace?"

Mal: "Only if you say it out loud."

Wash: "Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he's not afraid of anything ... "

Mal: "You're welcome on my boat. God ain't."

Mal: "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."

Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."

Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."

Badger: "Crime and politics, little girl: the situation is always... fluid."

Jayne: "The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusin' to pay us our wage."

Wash: "Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?"

Jayne: "Time for some thrilling heroics."

Mal: "I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you."

Mal: "And I never back down from a fight."

Inara: "Yes, you do! You do all the time!"

Simon: "I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows."

So what about you? What's your favorite quote from Firefly? Did I miss anything important? Use the comment box to let me know!