For my husband, on Christmas

While I will claim all day, that I hate surprises, and that receiving gifts during the holiday season makes me uncomfortable this year you have truly outdone yourself. You have proven that the power of a gift is not in how much money you spend, but in the time, and thought, put into it. Beyond that you have once again illustrated the extent to which you truly "get" me. 

I'm not the type of woman to drop hints about what I want, because I usually don't want anything. Yet, you found a way to give me things that warm my heart and bring a tear to my eye, without spending the kind of money that makes me upset this time of year.

A necklace that says "together or not at all" (the last words Amy and Rory said to one another before jumping off a building to save the universe) in circular Gallifreyan (the language from the doctors home planet of Gallifrey). Words we wrote into our wedding vows, and a design I've been scribbling for months with the ultimate goal of having it tattooed on me eventually.

Found in a small box where you say "all the best gifts come from" inside my Christmas Eve box. I think because you knew opening something so precious to me would be embarrassing Christmas morning when so many eyes were watching. 

My very tricky "stocking" that was originally full of junk that I "love to haul around" that you used to "craft" a toolbox full of all the Fallout essentials. Mentats, buffout, cateye, fixer and then....

The Nuka Cola quantums you had led me to believe were unattainable, after many a visit to Target in search of the rare item. You went so far as to overcome your hatred of speaking to strangers to get someone to buy me a second one, when the manager refused to honor the advertisement. I can't imagine how much time you put into this gift that is absolutely perfect in every way.

Not to go unrecognized or unappreciated scoring me a precious tradition of our family. A hand written ornament symbolizing the last years journey. Our first Christmas as Mr. & Mrs.

I cannot wait to spend a lifetime of holidays with you. May every one be as full of joy and love as this one has been. I love you forever, together or not at all.

Alternative Families

As many of you may by now know, my family is not exactly the "American Dream" so to speak. My sons have 2 different biological fathers. My husband is my youngest son's father. My oldest son, Riley, has another dad, who he absolutely adores. For a long time my relationship with my eldest son's father was... less than awesome. Over the past 9 years, I've worked very hard to open communication back up between us, and include him in family events. You know why? Because we are a family. My son's and their father's and I, are a family. It's important that Riley knows that he is part of a family who loves each other. Even if sometimes that is hard to do.

So for his birthday this year we all went camping and to six flags. We all had a great time. Riley said it was his second best birthday EVER.

But it took us a long time to get here. It didn't just happen overnight. I can't speak from my ex's point of view but for me, it took a lot of forgiving and letting things go. It meant looking at things from Riley's perspective, and Jon (my ex's) perspective and spending a whole lot less time thinking about how things affected ME, or how something he had said was offensive.

It took sacrifice, but most of all it took love. It took me remembering that this was a man who at one point in my life I had loved enough to make a child with. It took realizing that he gave me my most precious gift. My first son. So, despite everything that had happened between us, none of it really mattered. What mattered was what Riley SAW, and that what he was going to see from then on was parents who cared for one another and who could do things with him together. 

We went out together for father's day. My 2 sons, their 2 fathers and myself. Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I think we all had a blast. Playing on the dock and going out for lunch. Even playing disc golf together.

My family isn't standard, but it's a family, and in my opinion, it's a great one.


Not all families are 2 parents and their shared genetic children. Some families have 2 moms or 2 dads. Some families have no moms. There are families that are grandkids with their grandparents. Some are a mix of adopted and genetic. Or step-kids and biological. Some families are transient while others all more permanent. Some families live together and others don't. Love makes a family. That's the glue. If you'd lay down your life for someone else's they're your family. If you think of them at night before you go to bed. If you want the best for them no matter what they've done or said. That's your family. Don't let anyone ever tell you any different.

Respecting other people's life choices.

While this is a very broad statement, one which I could go on about for days, I'm going to stick to one particular invasive judgment I've seen thrown around a lot lately, especially in parent circles.

How many times have you seen someone say, "I don't want to have kids" and then a flood of "you'll change your minds" and arguments as to why said person SHOULD have kids. There are a range of reasons this bothers me so much.

One: Whether someone does or does not have children is 100% theirs (and their partners) choice. It's not for you to decide or even have an opinion on. Just like a million other things I will get to at a later date.

Two: They aren't saying it to insult you. Just because you have kids and you're happy does not mean this is a personal attack on your familial life. You can in fact continue to be happy (or unhappy) with your decision to procreate regardless of whether or not all your friends want kids just like yours. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't enjoy your children or that they aren't happy for you and your family. It just means THEY DONT WANT KIDS.

Three: In the U.S. 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system. 101,666 of these children are eligible for adoption, but nearly 32% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted. That's almost 400 thousand kids without permanent families. I dare you to tell someone to have a kid they don't want again. It is beyond ignorant.

Four: I have wanted children since approximately the first time I saw a baby. I've been going on about wanting babies since an alarmingly early age. I love kids. I nannied for years and have always known without a shadow of a doubt that I want to be a mother. I STILL have bad days. There are still days I question my decision, times when I have to count to ten or walk away. There are moments that my children test the limits of my patience. Now imagine if I had not wanted them, if I did not view my children as the very best gift life could give me. I don't think life would be very pretty for any of us.

Five: Every child deserves to be the light in their parents life. To tell someone who knows in their heart that they are incapable of giving a child that level of love is despicable.

So stop. Stop telling young women that they'll change their minds. Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Resist the urge to ask if someone's mom wants grandkids. Their family dynamic is THEIR choice. Do not ask every single young married couple when they're gonna have kids. It's not your business.

This goes both ways might I add. Do NOT ask the young parent if their child was planned. Don't inquire as to how much they miss the nightlife. Don't make judgments about their financial situation and whether they should be bringing a child into this world. Stop looking at the mom with 6 kids paying with food stamps with such disdain. IT ISN'T YOUR BUSINESS. You don't know their story, situation, or heart. Live and let live ladies and gentleman.